Where to begin?

I have now written quite a few of these blog articles to share about my experience in silence, but every time I sit down to write I face a similar conundrum, ‘How do I convey in words this wordless experience?’

So far I have always found a way, so I continue with this genuine aspiration to convey how special these experiences are, trusting that they may inspire someone to try. 

About the Retreat

For those who have read my blog before, this won’t be new, but in case anyone new is reading and doesn’t know anything about these retreats (Welcome!) I will share a little about the structure and format.

The silent retreats I participate in are guided by Hridaya, which has centres in Lyon, France and in Mazunte, Mexico and in Romania.

The retreats are structured in this way:

7am – 9am meditation

9am breakfast

10am-1pm Satsang (spiritual lecture) + Hatha yoga & meditation

1pm Lunch & rest

4pm-6pm meditation

6pm – personal practice

6:30pm dinner

7:30pm Q&A + Satsand and meditation

This adds up to about 5+ hours of meditation per day. I imagine that to most people this may sound like a lot (unless you have done Vipassana), and it is indeed, and in my experience this is part of what makes these experiences so deeply transformative.

The main guidelines are no speaking or reading (though journaling is allowed), no mirrors and no phones of course. There is a lot more to the guidelines but I am summarizing to keep it brief.  

“Another silent retreat”

This was my 9th Silent retreat at Hridaya. So far I have sat 3, 10, 17, 6, 59, 31, 3 and 17 days over the past 8 years. You can find blog articles for each one of these retreats on my blog: https://yogibee.live

The last retreat was 25th March – 12th April of this year and I could almost hear friends and family asking ‘Another silent retreat?’ 

At the end of the 59 day retreat a couple of years ago, a dear friend Alix, who also did the 59 days and who has now passed away, said to me ‘Don’t wait a year if possible.’ Her words rang in my ears during the last retreat so I booked this one soon after I came out of the last one in April before my mind came up with an endless list of how I could use my time differently.

And now that I have sat this retreat, it makes so much sense and I’m deeply grateful to this dear friend for her wise recommendation. This retreat felt like a continuation of the last one. In past retreats I often experienced what I would call an adaptation period, where the body gets accustomed to stillness and the mind readjusts to the lack of stimulation. This time I felt like this transition from daily life to the retreat rhythm was more gentle and I was able to connect with the Love and Peace that resides within us all, within everything, with more ease. 

It feels important to mention that I have a daily 1hour meditation practice and I did a 5 day dark room retreat in June that I will also write a blog article about for those who may be interested. This feels relevant to mention as I believe that retreats are not enough for deep spiritual transformation to happen. Daily sadhana (spiritual practice) is equally essential. 

Was it all bliss?

Of course not! 

Towards the end of the retreat I had a funny thought. I had many thoughts throughout, but this one feels worth sharing about. 

I thought of my friends who have become mothers and how for some of them pregnancy and/or labour were very challenging, but how at the end every single one of them is so happy they did it and many even say they would do it again in a heart beat. 

Of course, doing a 10 day or even a 59 day retreat cannot really be compared to having a child. However the parallel I noticed is this ability to look back at a challenging time and say “I’d do it all over again”. 

I would even say that it is the challenges which lead to the transformation that enable us to grow wiser and be willing to consciously expose ourselves to difficulty again. 

Instead of sharing the details of the challenges I faced, I will share a little excerpt from my journal in which I didn’t write very much compared to my 1st retreats.

“It’s all well and good until it’s not haha! I can smile now and even feel a giggle held in my belly, but during this afternoon’s 2 hour meditation I was not laughing one bit!

Thoughts of my parents’ mortality persisted. I also persisted in my aspiration to witness, to stay grounded in my heart, awareness of the pauses between the breaths and I did manage to come back. But learning to witness doesn’t mean that emotions simply go away. I can however see with more clarity than ever how they can be alchemized. 

More compassion for all of us, for all beings. No one wants their loved ones to die, ever, yet this is the undeniable and unavoidable truth of our physical incarnation.

Paradoxically, our body’s mortality is what makes life so precious. And our soul’s immortality is what makes our bonds so special.”

What do people get from these retreats?

Recently a lovely woman I have done a couple of interviews with asked me ‘What do people get from these retreats?’.

This is a valid question which I am sure many people may wonder about. My answer is that it varies depending on each person, their intention, what they’re experiencing in life etc. 

Some people leave feeling rested, others feel particular clarity in terms of what really matters, while others might develop a special connection to their body, or walk away with a sense of deeper connection to nature. For many it’s a combination of all of these things and more, but the one thing I would say is probably true for most is a deeper sense of connection to onesSelf and with that Love blossoms in ways I didn’t know were possible until I discovered these retreats.

My Pine Tree Friend

A deeper connection to nature has definitely developed for me thanks to these retreats.

During the 59 day silent retreat I became aware that every time I burnt a log to warm and bring light to my little cabin or heat up the water for the shower, it came at the cost of a tree’s life. Whenever I would hear a tree being cut in the distance it hurt my heart like never before. The intensity of these feelings adjusts when I reintegrate society but my love for trees remains unwavering.

This time I fell in love with a pine tree. One day on one of my forest walks I found this particularly huggable tree and I wrapped my arms around his gigantic trunk and after a while I felt like I got a little glimpse into what being a tree might be like. I came back into the forest excited to hug ‘my tree’ day after the day. 

But on one of those days I saw one of my roomies, who was also my seat neighbour, hugging a tree right by ‘my tree’. Not knowing what to do I hugged another pine tree, equally majestic, yet I felt a little resistance – it wasn’t ‘my tree’. I laughed to myself and reflected on how there is still work to do before Love flows equally in all directions through me. 

My Birthday

The 7th day of the retreat happened to be my 39th birthday. I imagine some people might think that it is a weird choice to be in silence for one’s birthday but I am happy to say that I loved it. This was my 2nd birthday in silence. 

Stripping back distractions really helps me to connect with the depth of gratitude I feel for this blessed life, for every year of life, for All of it. 

Reading my parents’ birthday card which was a little harmless rule bending made me feel like my heart grew even bigger in my chest. The gratitude was so profound and I feel the echoes now that I am out of the retreat. 

Fasting

It is not normally recommended to fast more than 1 day during silent retreats as the silence itself requires some adaptation and fasting can affect energy levels and be an unnecessary added challenge. Having done quite a few of these retreats and having already completed a 3 day fast before I felt inspired to do a 3 day fast to celebrate my birthday. Just when you thought I couldn’t get weirder…. Haha!!

I saw it as an offering to the Divine but from the 1st day of the fast, which was day 5 of the retreat, I realised that this was a gift to mySelf. 

The fast felt relatively easy, with the extra time I was able to enjoy longer walks in the forest and had plenty of energy during Hatha Yoga. Day 2 was the more challenging day though I was determined to complete the fast. And day 3 was my birthday and I broke my 72 hour fast with the most delicious apple that ever existed at 6:30pm.

This fast brought insights regarding my relationship to food that I will mention when I write an article dedicated to fasting. 

My Best Friend

I met his wife for the 1st time the day the retreat started and I had to hold back laughter when I thought ‘I am such a weird friend. After not seeing my best friend for years I invited him to spend 10 days in silence not even looking at each other hahaha!!’.

The good news is that both he and his wife loved the retreat and are even considering making it an annual event which is so exciting.

Interested?

If you have been interested in silent retreats or this article piqued your interest I wholeheartedly recommend retreats at Hridaya. You can find information on all the beautiful offerings they have including silent retreat here: https://hridaya-yoga.com/fr/

If you are curious but not sure you are ready for a more intense experience I also offer what I call ‘a gentle introduction to silence’. During the retreats I offer you observe silence but you can read (only books of spiritual nature) and write and the meditations increase very gradually starting with 5mins and reaching 1 hour by the end of the retreat. 

The next 3 day silent retreat will be in the UK 1st-5th October and there are only 2 spaces left. Request more information here https://www.breathbodyearth.org/3daysilentretreatuk

The next 4-7 day silent retreat will be in Panama in May 2027 and you can request more information here. Requested more information here: https://www.breathbodyearth.org/panama-silent-retreat

You can read reviews of participants here: https://g.page/r/CfflxJ0eMdHdEAE/review

Gratitude

Thank you for reading this article and for your interest in silence and meditation.

Deep gratitude to all the karma yogis and teachers at Hridaya. Special gratitude to our beloved teacher Sahajananda, a guiding light for so many of us.

Infinite gratitude to Hridaya, the Spiritual Heart.

If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to reach out.

With Love,

Melissa